Tuesday, January 24, 2006

Yahoo Scrambles to Bring Back Steve Rubel

Sunnyvale, CA -- In a surprise move today, search giant and internet information portal Yahoo! restated its business goals for 2006. The company's new prime directive?

Bring back Steve Rubel.

Due to Yahoo's stunning admission that they're content with being #2 in search, media blogger Steve Rubel declared
That's it, I am no longer using Yahoo Search. I have no interest in using a product that the company doesn't aspire to make best of breed. If search is no longer hip to Yahoo, then Yahoo Search is no longer hip with me.
Setting off a firestorm of debate at Yahoo's Sunnyvale campus, Rubel's comments spurred a quick reply from Yahoo CEO Terry Semel:
Previously, our main goals were to build tools for advertisers and publishers, improve search relevance for our advertisers, and better target our ads.

But those goals changed when Steve Rubel left our family. Yahoo Search is no longer hip with Steve Rubel -- and that's not hip with Yahoo Search.

In the battle for search market share, users are won and lost every day, with every query. But this is no ordinary searcher. This is Steve Rubel. We're changing priorities now, and we trust the shareholders will understand. Based on data we recently sent to the Department of Justice, Mr. Rubel was a frequent Yahoo searcher with broad search interests and a consistent record of ad clickthrough. Steve, if you're listening, how can we micropersuade you to return?
In further fallout, CFO/EVP Susan Decker, whose original quote appeared in the Seattle Post-Intelligencer, has been bridled as well. While no formal demotion is evident, reports from Sunnyvale indicate that in future interviews, Decker will be limited to answers of 70 characters or less.

Including spaces.



This post is intended as satire.

7 Comments:

At 1/25/2006 6:41 PM, Blogger Steve Rubel said...

Terry, Tom Cruise and I are having lunch thanks to your post. I will send a word for you. Telly loves ya baby!

 
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